This woman is doing my head in.

“I can’t get connected, it says connected. Then I get no dial tone and it does nothing”

This doesnt help me!
There are 3 different types of error message here!

So it gets connected?

“Yes…but I get no dial tone”

So when you click on connect, it says connected?
“Yes. But then it does nothing, says no dialtone”

aaaagh stop saying no dial tone!
Please, say no dial tone again, I DARE YOU.

So if it says connected on the screen, and you double click internet explorer, what happens then?

“Nothing, no dial tone”

Are you getting connected to the internet or not, madame?

“Yes. It says “authorising username and password”, “connected”, then no dial tone”

But it cannot do that, it simply cannot do that

GAH